Headlines Read Out

Well I'm back home. It's nice to be back, I guess, but Alabama was really nice. I missed Omi and Opi and the nice thing is that they actually get me and have loved me since I was five months old and they didn't look at me and judge me. I love them so much. Even, I was on my mom's computer to check a Tokio Hotel site, and Omi was watching over my shoulder and she goes "Which one's Bill?" and I point him out and she says "Oh, man, he is hot! That is one fiiine boy!". Haha, she's 60 years old. But it made me laugh. I've been kind of antsy all day and I don't know why. I paced for about three hours nonstop, then I spun around on my desk chair for half an hour, then I went back to pace, and I'm about to spaz because I've been sitting the whole time I've been reading this. Also, I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to see all the fucking bicthes at our school who think they're sooo much better than everyone else. I want to kick their asses to next week. And I don't want to go to English because apparently our teacher called Brenda, Kira, and I "emo" to the student teacher or whatever when I wasn't there. And I don't want to go to sex ed either. Or chorus because I have NO FRIENDS in that class. It is ALL popular people who glare at me throughout the class period. Or if I'm doodling: "Ooh, the Emo Girl can draw!". And I DON'T want to wake up early to go to school. And I also don't want to ignore Millie. Weird, right? No, I want to fucking kick her ass and tell her off for all the shit she does and all the crap she says. Tomorrow, I want to tell off EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has made me suffer throughout the past year and also want to tell everyone at our school to cut the shit when they talk to us or about us or how they look at us. But no, tomorrow I am going to wake up at 6am. Tomorrow I am going to English, and Chorus, and Sex Ed. Tomorrow I am going to ignore all the bitches. Tomorrow I am going to not kick everyone's ass who's pissed me off. Tomorrow I am going to be a good girl. Tomorrow I'm going to want to do everything I just listed that I wanted to do, and not want to do anything that I said I didn't want to do. Tomorrow, the cycle will start again.

Caught forever
I never can remember
Why I ever wanted
To be a part of it all

My life's been drained
My self away
And I'll just be
A good little girl

That's what they want
And I shall serve
Because my mind is gone
Never to return

Random, spur-of-the-moment poem. It's kinda symbolizing last year. Hooray!

Alright, I'll post tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood.

Dying Is The Day Worth Living For

Sorry I haven't posted in weeks; Firefox is being an idiot and crashes every few minutes or so. Hm, what can I say that has happened? I saw Twilight and it was awesome; much better than I expected. I love Jasper still. :) He's always been my favorite although the dude who played Carlisle was...um...wow. Just wow. It was a funny movie. And I got a fuzzy jacket. And the We The Kings CD I've been needing forever. I'm leaving tomorrow for Alabama because I'm spending Thanksgiving with some family friends there. sadly, that's a few hours north of Montgomery (I already begged to go there to see Sarah, but no...*mutters darkly to self*). And I'm all packed with four days of clothes, three novels, four movies, two stuffed animals (Yes, I have not outgrown them yet; I love them all), a textbook, and notebooks, and yet that isn't even half of my suitcase. And my suitcase isn't that big! And I found this totally hot picture of Tom. He's wearing eyeliner like Bill's! I was seriously going "OMFG" for about half an hour. It's my new phone background :) . So yeah. I'll post a little of my story, because I'm writing the second chapter. I went back to the beginning to add a whole day because I felt that the conflict was introduced too early. And the part I'm going to post wass inspired by Brenda's Spanish table: Brenda, Will (Brandon), Jeffrey (Geoff), and Nick (Ned). This is very close to what actually goes on.

My next class was Spanish (A.K.A. “The Twitchy Class”), which was the one class Bill wasn’t in with me. And it was also the one I needed him most in.

The tables are arranged in groups, and we always have to work in our groups. I have the worst table.

“Hi, Kia,” this really creepy guy said. He sounds like a stalker when he talks. I don’t know how, but you can totally see him being a pedophile. I twitched. My creepy stalker, Geoff.

“Kia, will you marry me?” this other guy said. He took my hand. I jerked it away from him. “I love you,” he then declared. My infatuated stalker, Brandon.

“He loves you,” the guy who sits across from me, Ned, whispered.

“I love you too, Kia,” the creepy stalker said.

“I love you more,” my infatuated stalker said.

“I hate your shirt,” Ned said distastefully. I ignored all of them.

“I love you so much,” Brandon said, stroking my hair softly. My hand, which was holding my pencil, tightened and the pencil snapped in half. “Oh, do you need a new pencil? I know you can’t resist me.” I twitched.

“You can’t resist his body,” Ned whispered again. I glared at him.

“Te amo, Kia,” Brandon sighed.

“Te odio,” I snapped. He tried to look hurt.

“I love you so much, you’re so hot.” I twitched.

“So hot,” Ned whispered. My hand shot in the air.

“Senorita, may I get some water?” I asked.

“Of course.” She nodded. I stumbled out of the room and to the water fountain. I hate Spanish. After taking a moment to let myself calm down, I got a drink then turned unwillingly back towards the direction of my classroom.

“Was the water cold?” Geoff asked. “Was it good? Did it run down your smooth throat like ice? Was it amazing? I could go get you water next time.” I calculated how big the window was compared to how big I was. Crap. I could never fit. “If you want, I could put ice in it. My hand is cold like ice. You wanna hold it? Do you like cold? I know I do. I wanna see you cold.”

Ned looked at me with a “W.T.F.” expression. I twitched in response.

“Are you cold? Here, I’ll come give you a hug.” Geoff started to get out of the chair.

“Don’t touch my baby!” Brandon put his arm around me.

“I don’t think she’s your baby,” Ned pointed out, finally getting slightly freaked out by their behavior.

“If you don’t let go of me in the next two seconds, you will die,” I hissed.

“She’s my honey bun,” Brandon said, moving to kiss me. I shoved him out of his chair. He didn’t stay on the floor long, getting back up a few seconds later.

“Alright, we’ll wait until we’re in private,” he said, as if agreeing with something I said. He put his arm around me again.

“I hope you’re not planning to reproduce.” I muttered darkly, trying to shrug off his arm.

“You and me, baby!”

“Sexual harassment!” I yelled. “He’s going to rape me! Help, help!”

“Kia,” the teacher warned.

“He’s touching me,” I wailed. Brandon quickly removed his arm. Everyone was staring at us by now.

It's not quite that dramatic, but Brenda always has these funny stories so I invented a new scenario. And Brenda helped with the reactions. And the Spanish.

So I'll try to post from my dad's computer but I doubt it because he doesn't know I have a blog and would probably not aprrove.

Ha! I don't have to go to school tomorrow or Wednesday! That means I get to miss FLE (basically Sex Ed.)!!! And English when we read this stupid play. It's not even good, it's this rediculous thing from a kid's magazine about the Cherokee language. So stupid.

Bye everyone!

Now For Wrath, Now For Ruin, And For The Red Dawn

I'm so bored. After the excitement of the day, I'm bored. Well, not exciting, perhaps, but more interesting. In English, we figured out why cows say "moo" and our teacher even further lost hop in us. She said "I'm trying to figure out where to move you guys, but theres no where that you'll be quiet!" I've never been the bad kid before. We also talked about skitzophrenia (I know I spelled that wrong; don't remind me) and we decided that one day in English we should be skitzophrenics and act like Gollum from LOTR. That'll be interesting. Aand I had a really aawkward moment in chorus 'cause I was doodling a flower and everyone started staring at me and my doodle like it was a long-lost Picasso or something. A DOODLE. Not even real art! Stupid people... I don't remember what happened after the morning. Bad bad bad....well my computer's being retarded; it made everything really small so I'm sorry if this has a lot or errors because I can't see it. Urgh. Haaaate.

Oh, and I had another encounter or something with Ben on the bus. Started with him making another joke about cutting ourselves. Then I had a huge rant. And actually, I would say that I did a wonderful job of proffessing my point. Truth be told, I felt like a teacher or a parents berating a small child. I was very serious, which I forgot I could be. It got off a lot of pent-up stress. But I feel kinda bed about taking it out on Ben because he really is a nice guy and doesn't deserve to have my annoyance at everyone taken out on him. :(

Bla!

Yeah, OK, bye.

Run, Run, Fast As You Can (Hm, What's That From?)

HOLY SHIT THERE WAS A BUG ON MY BED NEXT TO ME I SAW SOMETHING MOVE AND THERE WAS THIS HUGE BUG I SCREAMED AND FELL OFF THE BED HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THERE WAS A BUG ON MY BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **coughs** Sorry. Well, I haven't posted or really got to go on my computer at all for a while because of a few things. 1) My dad was dfragging the computer or whatever so he took it away for a day 2) I've been moving all of my files onto a portable hard drive so my dad can erase everything on the computer 3) My computer is going crazy. It's freezing, shutting stuff down every ten minutes, shutting OFF every fifteen minutes, and all this other crap. Which is the cause of numbers one and two 4) My cat has taken over my computer chair. She hasn't moved but to pee and get treats since yesterday. Which is why I'm on my bed because little kitty decided my chair is her new bed! Great! Anyways, I'm sick; I've been sick for a coupla days now. My throat hurts something awful, my stomache hurts, I have a headache, and I'm so tired! Urgh! So today all I've done is watch movies with lots of shooting, get annoyed with Bill (Oh, yeah, I named my computer Bill), and draw pictures. Very worth the while.

I'm so afraid a bug is goingto crawl back on me.

:(

HELP! No, never mind. That was an ink stain on my sheet.

I hate bugs...

HELP MEEE IT'S GOING TO EAT MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I See Your Smile, The Tears Roll Down My Face

OK, so English has gotten way better for me. My teacher finally redid our seats and **gasp** put Brenda and me at the same table. Seriously, she complains that we talk and then this!? Crazy...but she also put Justin, Andrew, and Grace at our table. Justin, Brenda, and I are totally ADD and spend the entire class period laughing over stupid things and being all ADD. Andrew normally is the instigator of said laughing. Like he had this "Krazy Kow" bookmark. Not going to explain. But I was telling my dad about my new table and he goes, "Oh, God." I suppose he remembers sixth grade when Justin was having a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest and he fainted. Haha! And ont he bus I got to tormet poor people because Millie wasn't there. I slid under seats and jacked people's stuff and grabbed their ankles to make them scream. Also, this guy George who stalked me at camp, yeah, he sent me this: "ur gorgeous sry and ive never met a girl who is as pretty as u and besides if u could show me ppl who are prettier i would still say ur prettier". Now, I got a new email a week or two ago. And a few days later, BAM he emailed me. Creepy. **twitches**

Urgh, I hate admitting feelings that I try to ignore, but I'm hoping this might help me. It's going to sound shallow and stupid, but whatever. I was shallow and stupid last year. (Stop reading if you don't want to hear about my pathetic guy woes)

Last year, I really liked this guy. Yeah, whoohoo, right? And everyone was telling me that he really liked me too and he acted like he did. He was going to ask me out at one point, too. And over the summer, this other girl (a girl I was friends with at the time) asked him out on a dare. He said yes. Let's go back a little in my life. I've moved around the world my whole life. And because of that, I have trust problems. I'm always so afraid of being hurt by being torn away from someone that I don't want to trust anyone. But when I do trust someone, I would trust them with my life. Let's look at sixth grade: Yes, an Elementary school crush. Stupid, I know. But I liked a guy. (I'm not mentioning names BTW) And he liked me. No wonder last year was totally deja vu. But, Millie decided that she liked him, and immediately, he liked her and I was the weird new girl again. That blew my trust level down.Back to last summer: One of my friends finally told me that my other friend and the guy I like were going out while I was at camp. God, it tore me apart. I think people may have noticed that this year, I completely avoid looking in his direction even if my friend is that direction. Or when someone mentions his name I completely lose interest and distract myself. Yes, I know I'm pathetic. But I'm one of those completely hopeless romantic people. I believe in love at first sight, true love, soul mates, and all the other things. I cry at romantic movies and books and songs. It's probably bad for me; I'm already and emotional teenger, a social outcast, an "ADD emo", and whatever. I obviously need no more emotions. But alas, I must find a guy I like and then proceed to get depressed over him. Hm, I
think I have problems. So yeah, I wanted to say that it still hurts me. I'm so stupid. Why don't I just give up guys? Just give them up?!

Now I'm mad at myself for being so stupid. Urgh.

I wish that **cough**some people**cough** would read that, however.

So now that I am finished with my self-annoyance, I shall hit PUBLISH POST.

Only You Can Set Me Free

I'm at least slightly over my spastic LOTR thing I've had for the past few days. Except I have that quote from Sam on my background (blushes guiltily). But I'm changing it back to Bill! OK, so maybe I'm just putting a picture of Bill on it but whatever! I'm trying that playlist on my blog page, so can anyone tell me if they can actually listen to the damn thing? You might have to scroll sideways and down and it's really big compared to the little screen. So yeah, can you tell me please so either I know it works and will be very proud of myself, or it's not and it's just a dust collector. Virtual dust, I mean. I doubt anyone even gets that attempt at humor....Hm, I should work on my Christmas list. My parents make my brother and me do the whole Santa-is-real thing so my five year old brother won't throw a fit. SANTA IS A STALKER! He's a felon! He stalks your children; he is always watching them. And he breaks into your house! And steals your cookies! This is why the youth of the world are so violent; Santa Clause has corrupted them. But yeah, plus the Christmas list shows my parents what I want and whatever's not on there, I DON'T WANT. So, obviously, this thing will be very long for I have many a thing to buy. Sorry if I start writing real weird; I'm reading the Two Towers for English and it's written really cool but old-like. The whole “Alas, but if there was a light to guide us, for I fear we may lose out quarry if we stop and rest, yet we cannot bear to make a mistake and miss a trail if a captive were to escape!" I made that up off the top of my head; isn't it wonderful? So I guess that’s my completely random post for the day. :)

EDIT: NEVER MIND, I FIGURED OUT THE DARN THING WASN'T WORKING SO I REMOVED IT

Samwise the Brave

Sorry about my post yesterday; I was a little looooopy. Not that that's unusual for me, but whatever. I've been so bored today; honestly, I can't remember anything I did that is worth writing about. I don't even remember what I did for most of the day! What did I do today...? Wonderful, I can't remember. Even more important: whenn was the last time I ate? I have no idea. Did I have lunch?!

Crap, I don't think this is good.

I'm sorry I've been so uninteresting lately. I should blow up the school or somehing so I actually have something to write about.

Oh! I know what I did today; I got three packs of gum, two books, and a pair of really warm and fuzzy PJ pants. They're black with all these different colored snowflakes on them. No, wait, I did that last night. Never mind.

I still ahve no idea what I did today. Wait, I watched LOTR again. But I was kind out of it the whole time; I was reading. But I got a really nice quote from Sam. It's long, so I'm gonna write it because I have nothing else to do with my life!

"It's like in the Great Stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes, you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stayed with you; the ones that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, that I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didnt't. They kept going. Because they were holding onto something." Sam says.

"What are we holding onto, Sam?" Frodo whispers.

"That there's some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for."

The quote is really the first monologe, I just added the rest of the scene. Also because Sam's last line is really powerful. But really, isn't Sam right? The books you remember and the one's you love are the ones with danger and darkness. And you do wonder how everything can be OK when all that bad stuff has happened. Darkness will pass. People aren't stuck in a well of sadness and gloom. Because you can fight to climb out, and yell and scream for help. And someone will come. If you yell loud enough, and try hard enough, help always will come to those who truly seek it. And you know, the characters never gave up. They kept fighting because they knew that they had soemthing to fight for; something that needed to fight for because no one else would.

There is some good in the world. And it's worth fighting for.

Orlando (not the city) Bloom (not a flower)

I've watched Lord of the Rings all day. Every single movie and the bonus features. It just occured to me that one of the reasons I love the movies so much is because of Orlando Bloom in it. Now, I have never been one of those obsessive fangirls all over him (though Bill is a different case), but I just now realized that he's really attractive. I never knew he had a mohawk haircut...yes, it's strange what you notice on bonus features. But seriously, in these movies he's really slender and graceful...I'm not saying I think he's hot though. And he has very instense blue eyes in the movie as well...his hair is pretty, too. :) I feel like a fangirl oh, great!

I hate feeling like a fangirl; it's awkward.

Also, you know how they have to go to Mt. Doom to destroy the ring? How unoriginal is that name?

I'm watching the first one right now, and why are they all yelling at Legolas?! No, STOP YELLING! BE NICE TO HIM!!! And why does Mr. Dwarf have to be so mean and call him an Elf in a demeaning way?! Mr. Dwarf is so jealoous of Legolas just 'cause he's so beautiful.

I'm a fangirl and it's awkward.

He looks really....

OK, I'm stopping and hitting PUBLISH POST.

But he's so-

No, I'm hitting the button!

No! Don't! let me finish!

No! I will not!

Yes!

No!

Yes!

I don't want to hear about how beautiful he is!

Ha! You just said it!

I did not!

Yes you diiid!

I did not!

Read it!

Crap.

Geh

This is really random. But at the beginning of the year, my science teacher decided to show us how small an atom is compared to space. Needless to say, he zoomed, and zoomed, and zoomed, and zoomed (about five minutes of constant zooming) and then you could see houses on the screen. So anyways, after he made his point he goes "See how small and insignificant you are to the rest of the world? Compared to everything else, you're nothing!" And I'm thinking, 'Yeah, thanks. That really boosts my self-esteem!'. But he's actually a pretty cool guy. Oh, and today I got a really good idea for a short story (and yes, I mean short; not like my current one thats about 150 pages so far) from **gasp** ENGLISH CLASS! We're doing these SOL prep things (even though SOL's are at the end of the year) and you have to write an essay on a topic that they give you. The topic was that if you could bring one person from the past to the present for one day, who would you bring, and why? Yeah, really stupid. But being me, I had to over analyze the question and decided to write about a girl who's taken to the future by another girl but she's there for a week. She's like, a famous singer in the future. Ad she tries to figure out how stop some things from happening in the past (but her future) so the world does not collapse. I just noticed that a lot of my stories have to do with corruption and governments being on the brink of disaster.  Does anyone else think that's a good idea? Because if it's not, please tell me before I waste time writing something completely pointless.

I've had about nine little boxes of hot tamales today. :)

Bom bidi bom bidi bidi bidi bom bidi bom bidi bidi bidi bom....

Yeah, that's a chorus song we have to sing. Bidi Bom. Fun. 

I have ADD. 

My life rocks socks. 

And shoes. 

What now?!

I'm trying to figure out how to put my Project Playlist playlist onto my blog. If anyone knows, can you tell me? I'm clueless when it comes to electronics. 

Tata, my darlings. 

Bill. 

Bill.

BILL.

BILL.

BILL!!!!!!!

OK, I'm done. 

Not.

Not not. 

Bye!

:)

Same Blood

Wow, OK, my dog has allergies apparently and she has no fur on the front of her throat because she's been scratching it so much! My poor puppy! :'( But she's being really annoying because she keeps scratching and she's not supposed to and so I'm wasting my evening watching her. Urgh. But anyways, I was at Brenda's house Monday for her birthday and that night, I got the stomach flu. So I spent my Tuesday puking my guts up! Hooray! Basically, my life is a bundle of happiness. Although, on the bus, I flipped off this guy and called him a b**** and Brenda told him to f*** off. But I kinda had an epiphany while I was sick and crying hysterically. I'll say more about it later, but really, I was in so much pain that it made me think about how I've been living my life. 

.,:;'"*^*"';:.,

 BillKaulitz

^*"';:,..,:;'"*^

P.S. 

I'm watching the most recent Willy Wonka with my little brother and although I looove Johnny Depp, he's so creepy in this movie. I swear he's a pedophile. Also, what do you think would happen if all of the characters Johnny Depp ever played all met each other at the same time? I think Willy would be the first to die and then Sweeney Todd would come out at the champion because obviously they would all be scared of one another and kill each other. Sorry, that was way random. 

Stranger Than Your Sympathy, And This Is My Apology

Ugh well today was a drag. I did absolutely nothing. Excpet write five pages in my story. Oh, and I was petting my cat outside and Millie and her clique kept riding past my house on their bikes. So I'm getting the "Die-Emo-Bitch" glare fifty thousand times in a row. And then my cat started chasing them 'cause I think she got pissed off. And then they didn't come back. :) But seriously, do they have anything better to do than shoot me death threats through their gazes? Apparently not. Anyways, tomorrow is Brenda's birthday and we're going to the mall for a while then sleeping over I think (And by 'we' i mean Sarah and I). And this guy who was like stalking me at camp, yeah, his friend got my number and so my night's been pretty interesting. But really, what is it with guys in Alabama and me? Here in Virginia, all the guys give me the "Die-Emo-Bitch" glare and in alabama the guys all think I'm gorgeous and won't leave me alone. I don't know which I prefer. I seriously wish there was like, a hot goth guy in Virginia. Or just A goth guy would be nice. Actually, the guy who followed me at camp was goth. But he was really clingy and huggy or whatever. And I DON'T WANT TO BE HUGGED BY STRANGERS! RAPE! RAPE! SEXUAL HARASSMENT! So yeah, that's my facinating update on my life.

In Die Nacht

OMG I haven't posted in DAYS! Its so weird. But so now I have to fill everyone in on everything. So...I turned in all my projects for English and Civics. So that's good. And Brenda and I went trick-or-treating last night (I don't care if people think I'm too old; candy is candy!) and went totally insane. We were on her street, and there was like NO ONE outside. So two teenage girls walking down a dark street at 9:30 at night. Hm. So anyways, I called my dad to ask to pick us up and were were standing on the bridge in her neighborhood. And so my dad goes "OK, stay right where you are". Which would be the middle of the road. So for about fifteen minutes, Brenda and I twirled around, fell down, looked at airplanes, and acted like we were drunk. :) Then my dad came and let us ride on the outside of the car all the way to Brenda's house. So that was fun. And today, I figured out how to translate entire Word documents into other languages. And so now my entire story is in German. With all the right words and meanings. It's pretty cool. And so yeah, tons more happened but I don't feel like writing. 

,.:'*^*':.,

ILoveBill

^*:.,,.:*^