When I See Your Smile, The Tears Roll Down My Face

OK, so English has gotten way better for me. My teacher finally redid our seats and **gasp** put Brenda and me at the same table. Seriously, she complains that we talk and then this!? Crazy...but she also put Justin, Andrew, and Grace at our table. Justin, Brenda, and I are totally ADD and spend the entire class period laughing over stupid things and being all ADD. Andrew normally is the instigator of said laughing. Like he had this "Krazy Kow" bookmark. Not going to explain. But I was telling my dad about my new table and he goes, "Oh, God." I suppose he remembers sixth grade when Justin was having a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest and he fainted. Haha! And ont he bus I got to tormet poor people because Millie wasn't there. I slid under seats and jacked people's stuff and grabbed their ankles to make them scream. Also, this guy George who stalked me at camp, yeah, he sent me this: "ur gorgeous sry and ive never met a girl who is as pretty as u and besides if u could show me ppl who are prettier i would still say ur prettier". Now, I got a new email a week or two ago. And a few days later, BAM he emailed me. Creepy. **twitches**

Urgh, I hate admitting feelings that I try to ignore, but I'm hoping this might help me. It's going to sound shallow and stupid, but whatever. I was shallow and stupid last year. (Stop reading if you don't want to hear about my pathetic guy woes)

Last year, I really liked this guy. Yeah, whoohoo, right? And everyone was telling me that he really liked me too and he acted like he did. He was going to ask me out at one point, too. And over the summer, this other girl (a girl I was friends with at the time) asked him out on a dare. He said yes. Let's go back a little in my life. I've moved around the world my whole life. And because of that, I have trust problems. I'm always so afraid of being hurt by being torn away from someone that I don't want to trust anyone. But when I do trust someone, I would trust them with my life. Let's look at sixth grade: Yes, an Elementary school crush. Stupid, I know. But I liked a guy. (I'm not mentioning names BTW) And he liked me. No wonder last year was totally deja vu. But, Millie decided that she liked him, and immediately, he liked her and I was the weird new girl again. That blew my trust level down.Back to last summer: One of my friends finally told me that my other friend and the guy I like were going out while I was at camp. God, it tore me apart. I think people may have noticed that this year, I completely avoid looking in his direction even if my friend is that direction. Or when someone mentions his name I completely lose interest and distract myself. Yes, I know I'm pathetic. But I'm one of those completely hopeless romantic people. I believe in love at first sight, true love, soul mates, and all the other things. I cry at romantic movies and books and songs. It's probably bad for me; I'm already and emotional teenger, a social outcast, an "ADD emo", and whatever. I obviously need no more emotions. But alas, I must find a guy I like and then proceed to get depressed over him. Hm, I
think I have problems. So yeah, I wanted to say that it still hurts me. I'm so stupid. Why don't I just give up guys? Just give them up?!

Now I'm mad at myself for being so stupid. Urgh.

I wish that **cough**some people**cough** would read that, however.

So now that I am finished with my self-annoyance, I shall hit PUBLISH POST.