This Is My Apology

I'm totally freaking out. Last night was my chorus concert. And we're sitting there watching this other chorus and this kid gets rushed out 'cause he's about to faint. And then we get on after that. Around the middle, my friend Allie,who's standing next to me, almost falls over then sits down on the risers. A lady rushes her away. (Allie is prone to fainting BTW). In total, five people were rushed out. Morgan (Millie) was one of them. And I was surprised not to feel the "Oh, ha! She's sick!" feeling. Instead, my first thought was "Oh, gosh, is she OK?" And I realized that we're all people. And no one deserves hate. It's a sin after all. We're all people with hopes and dreams and wishes on stars. People with goals and futures, and we all want to be cared about. And so, I apologized. After I got home and took a shower, I texted her (I have her number memorized because it's real easy and totally gets stuck in my head) and said I was sorry. I was sorry for what I said to her over the summer. I was out of line to say those things. And I'm slightly freaking out.

Yes, yell at me, tell me I'm an idiot, but whatever. We're people. And people don't deserve hate. And I don't know where this is going to lead me, but I'm all for it. There's always a way to get back to where you were before.

But really, we're not BFFs. We didn't speak to each other today. But earlier, I looked over at her and didn't feel anything. Not hate, not annoyance, nothing. Just happiness.

But I don't think I can say that to everyone jut yet. Apologize, I mean. Some things I still haven't gotten over that are more than just my problem. (Well, maybe they are, but what I mean is that in saying sorry to her, I forgave myself) And the things I'm talking about were things other people did that hurt me. It was my choice to want to be popular, to look "perfect". And I forgave myself for that last night. But what others did to hurt me...that'll be harder.