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Hello dears!

Fluffy Kittens

Merry late Christmas, everyone! No, I haven't been insanely busy and that's why I haven't posted. Things were very boring and I desperately wanted to do something interesting. Which is exactly why I was too lazy to post. Anyways, Christmas was cool I guess. My brothers woke me up early enough to make me grumpy for the rest of the day and my five year old brother (FIVE!) got an iPod shuffle. Seriously, is that unfair, or what? I begged for an iPod for YEARS and got one when I was 12 I think....yeah, that sounds about right. My 12th birthday. And he's FIVE.That only added to my annoyance. But I got some cool stuff. I got, hm, a laptop lap-desk (my cat took over my desk so I can't use it), some Ninja-Elf repellent (Don't ask), a cool clock (It's fawesome), textbooks (I'm a nerd), and other stuff.

MOM TALKING

Sorry, had to right that so I rememeber to fast-forward House.

I love Housey. It's amazing how the writiers come up with so many different things and then all the diseases. They're smart. :) And Hugh Laurie is amazing too. Its awesome how he can be such a good American.

OK,I'll post later.

Silent Night, Holy Night, All Isn't Calm, All Isn't Bright

Is Fairfax County the only county in America that has to go to school this week?! Like, seriously! It seems like everyone else has this week off but noooo we're special so we get to go to school tomorrow. THERE IS NO POINT. Also, I think my mom's going to send me to therapy. She thinks I have a sleeping problem (Which I totally do, by the way. but it's because my brain will not shut up (No, I am not schizophrenic) when it's time to sleep). So last night I was really hyper (Which was also sooo not my fault considering I ate a whole tin of those Pirouette cookies and 17 other cookies) and she goes "We're going to help you with your sleeping problem," and then walks away. (This is at 10pm by the way). So I start yelling "What? Therapy?! Don't send me to therapy! I don't want to be with the rapist! He's a bad man who's going to hurt me!" and I'm screaming that to no one. And she comes back and says, "Don't worry, it's OK." So WTF. She thinks thats the extent of my problems?! Psh, naw, I have way more. But today Brenda and I were plotting ways to freak the therapist out and we got some good ideas which include: Get a Unykorn and sit there and pet it; stare blankly at the man; and actually pretend to be schizophrenic. Then, in chorus, I was talking to another person and we came up with: Run in singing a random song (I.E. "The wheels on the bus") then collapse; walk in, blink, and start screaming; or speak French the entire time. The dude is totally going to be afriad of me. Mwahaha! Anyways, a lot's been going on at school. Our English teacher is quitting, our gym teacher is retiring, and tomorrow is the official UNYKORN PLAYDATE day at school. Or unnoficial, if you will. It's gonna be totally the best party eva! So Merry Christmas to everyone and a Happy New Year!


Did you know, in France, kids get presents on New Year?

And in Slovakia, they hand people by their ankles and stuff them with cake on Christmas?

Or in Russia, they dance to folk songs around a big treee?

Or in Canada, they all pray for the hockey teams on Christmas?

Or how in Spain, they all have a national 10 minutes of silence on 9/11?

Or the fact I made all those up?


No, I didn't make all those up. A few are true. Or maybe that's a lie. If someone can guess which ones are true and which one's are fake, I'll give you a hug. Or, rather, an WWWHUG.

And you'll get one too if you figure out what WWWHUG means.

This Is My Apology

I'm totally freaking out. Last night was my chorus concert. And we're sitting there watching this other chorus and this kid gets rushed out 'cause he's about to faint. And then we get on after that. Around the middle, my friend Allie,who's standing next to me, almost falls over then sits down on the risers. A lady rushes her away. (Allie is prone to fainting BTW). In total, five people were rushed out. Morgan (Millie) was one of them. And I was surprised not to feel the "Oh, ha! She's sick!" feeling. Instead, my first thought was "Oh, gosh, is she OK?" And I realized that we're all people. And no one deserves hate. It's a sin after all. We're all people with hopes and dreams and wishes on stars. People with goals and futures, and we all want to be cared about. And so, I apologized. After I got home and took a shower, I texted her (I have her number memorized because it's real easy and totally gets stuck in my head) and said I was sorry. I was sorry for what I said to her over the summer. I was out of line to say those things. And I'm slightly freaking out.

Yes, yell at me, tell me I'm an idiot, but whatever. We're people. And people don't deserve hate. And I don't know where this is going to lead me, but I'm all for it. There's always a way to get back to where you were before.

But really, we're not BFFs. We didn't speak to each other today. But earlier, I looked over at her and didn't feel anything. Not hate, not annoyance, nothing. Just happiness.

But I don't think I can say that to everyone jut yet. Apologize, I mean. Some things I still haven't gotten over that are more than just my problem. (Well, maybe they are, but what I mean is that in saying sorry to her, I forgave myself) And the things I'm talking about were things other people did that hurt me. It was my choice to want to be popular, to look "perfect". And I forgave myself for that last night. But what others did to hurt me...that'll be harder.

Guns At The Ready

Ugh. Friday. And tomorrow I have to go to my brother's elementary school for service hours. So fun! But I'm going with Brenda and Amanda's going too, so I think I'm set. The only thing is the millions of my brother's friends who call me emo every second of the day. I SWEAR I AM GOING TO EFFING HURT MY PHONE IF IT KEEPS SCREWING UP. It's RETARDED. Sorry, I really hate my phone if you can't tell. Hm...what should I talk about? Well, brenda and I were trying to figure out how to get out of English class because of Sarah The Snydster. And our not-so-great ideas were: blowing up the school; setting out teacher on fire; Brenda going to the clinic and me going to the bathroom (because I hadn't gone in 3 days), and Kira dying; all of us being schizophrenic one day; {Oh, Kira would be coming because we don't want to leaver her with Ms. Sais}; and I think there was more. Our better ideas were: Brenda faking a nose bleed and Kira and I going with her to the bathroom because we'd say Brenda's freaked out by blood and we want to help her and make sure she's OK; and also ask Mr. Fones to get us out of class. He hates the English teacher so it'd probably work. If our school blows up, blame it on Sarah! Just kidding. Blame Amber. (Amber's the evil, evil blonde who looks sweet but I have scars all over my hands from her being evil even though I love Amber/Opal/Ambie). So I guess that's it for now. Winter break is in two weeks and I GOT SARAH'S CHRISTMAS PRESENTS TODAY IN THE MAIL THANK YOU SARAH EVEN THOUGH MY DAD MADE SURE I DIDN'T OPEN THEM! They seem cool in the package. And the card was very wonderful.

Alright, I'll post tomorrow after my sure-to-be-emotionally-scarring service hours.

A Typical Email From George

Sorry, I'm jst getting so annoyed so I decided to show everyone what I go through with this boy (Oh, yeah, start from the bottom):

On Dec 4, 2008, at 8:57 PM, Alanna Vadnais wrote:

mmhm sure

On Thu, Dec 4, 2008 at 8:34 PM, George Northam wrote:
haha ur funny but yeah ur the prettiest!

On Dec 4, 2008, at 2:35 PM, Alanna Vadnais wrote:

heavy sarcasm.

i know, ive been told.

On Thu, Dec 4, 2008 at 12:39 AM, George Northam wrote:

HAAHAHAHAHHA i sense the sarcasm there lol but seriously though ur gorgeous

On Dec 3, 2008, at 8:01 PM, Alanna Vadnais wrote:

yes of course i am

of course

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 8:41 PM, George Northam wrote:

hahahahaa well Alanna you are

On Dec 3, 2008, at 7:22 PM, Alanna Vadnais wrote:

its wonderful being so amazingly gifted

not

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 7:55 PM, George Northam wrote:

cool soo anyway how is it being the most gorgeous/beautiful girl in the world?

On Dec 3, 2008, at 2:42 PM, Alanna Vadnais wrote:

im almost finished with my book

my friends r bugging me to let them edit it

and i wanna have it published by the end of this year cuz i need to giv it to my science teacher

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 2:09 AM, George Northam wrote:

hey Alanna wats up wats new im juwt wondering

~~

WHY ME?!?!?WHY MEEEE!?!?!?

So Kiss me Goodbye, Honey I'm Gonna Make It Out Alive

I can't wait until Saturday. Scratch that, I can't wait until CHRISTMAS BREAK! Or, you know, when I graduate college. And I plan to be a writer because guess what!? You get to sit at home all day and look at a computer screen! Just kidding, although I love writing. That would get supremely boring and I would miss being around actual people **cough**. I had to do this STUPID FREAKING ANNOYING THING FOR ENGLISH THAT I HAVE TO COPY DOWN LITERALLY 58 THINGS FROM WIKI PAGES!!! AND, I HAVE A CIVICS TEST TOMORROW, A MATH QUIZ, AND I HAD A BUTT LOAD OF FRENCH HOMEWORK! Hooray! I swear, I am going to hit my English teacher soon. I wish I could just go to sleep. Or, Susannah and I were talking about if you could just freeze time and take a nap, then hit play and start right where you left off. That would be niiiice. Anyways, I think I'm going to DIE before winter break. AND MY PHONE WON'T FREAKING SEND ANYTHING I'M ABOUT TO TOSS IT OUT THE FREAKING WINDOW. I don't know why, but I'm just really impatient and eager to be pissed off today. Oh, yeah, George had this whole issue yesterday where he asks me what I'm doing and I said I was writing. He's just like, "That's nice, how's it being so gorgeous?" so I got really pissed off but forced myself not to say anything 'cause that would make him talk more which would not be fun. I mean, why can't guys just appreciate the fact that we even talk to them when they act so creepy. One of my favorite guys at our school hesn't called me emo, hasn't hit on me, and isn't a complete idiot (well, he's about as crazy as me, so I shouldn't be judging). I think there are two guys this year that have spoken to me and they haven't asked if I was emo or goth, didn't tell me I was emo or goth, or tell me to kill/cut myself. And one of them is like uber-popular too. Which is slightly surprising. But he can be very unhelpful. And Justin, I just like Justin. He actually provided us with a good quote for science: "I went to Heaven. There were lots of puppies." Haha, don't ask. OH, Tom from Tokio Hotel lost his virginity when he was 13! Now, that brings up all sorts of disturbing questions. So I sort of start twitching when I think of that. Psh, I'll consider myself lucky if I actually get kissed before college. Jeez, Tom's a total man-whore.

Also, in my story, I realized something very ironic. The only character I don't want to shoot is one named Tom. Figures. And he's a nice character. Which eplains that lack of cursing and death-wishing toward him. And I want to shoot Trevor. I cannot describe how much I want Trevor to die right now. Ugh. he makes everything so complicated for me; he's totally beig a bad boy right now. WHY DOES HE MAKE ME DO THESE THINGS?! All he's doing is confusing me and making the romance aspect almost IMPOSSIBLE. Maybe I'll have Tom shoot him? Or I'l have a tree fall on him! The main character doesn't help either; she wants to kiss Trevor. Why is that bad? Because she has a boyfriend that is about to be killed and she's worrying about making out with some other guy that her boyfriend has never even met! And then what happens to him?! I don't want to kill him! Ugh, I want Tom to shoot Trevor, but Tom doesn't want to because him and the main character can't do anything with only two people. Which is true, but I still want Trevor to die.

Brenda started making fun of me because my mind is being controlled by my fictional characters. If you read the paragraph above, you can kinda see why.

I shall return to being pissed off and confused now.

Stranger Than Your Sympathy, And This Is My Apology

Hey, everyone. I'm gonna copy pretty much exactly what Brenda said on her blog because I've been thinking the same thing about Millie. She still controls us. The absolute hate and violence that pulses through my in a red hot fury when I see her shouldn't be there. And I, too, am going to forgive her. And in doing that, I forgive Parkie, and Gofie, Logie, and everyone else. And I'm sorry. The truth is, even though I've had countless bad memories form when I was friends with them, I've learned and gained things from them. I've learned thing by breaking away form them, but also while I was friends with them. And they helped me find myself. I'm torn, really, not about my decision to break away from the popular group, but if she really deserves all the hate. She's doing what she believes is the right way, as am I. Don't get me wrong, I will always bear scars from that time in my life, but those scars were brought onto myself by myself from others. In a way, I will always think that maybe she has some good in her. I've seen how she treats her best friends and her boyfriend. She really can love. People have told me this year that she was really mean to me, but they're friends with her because she was nice to them.And you know the whole thing with relationships and such? How, when people break up, they think "it wasn't meant to be"? It just wasn't meant to be. So I forgive her. I'm not going back to be friends with her, but I forgive her. And everyone else.

So optimistic
But blinded by rage
No deserves to die
This cold, hard way

Fury and power
Together mix
A deadly solution
Full of tricks

Take moment,
Breathe it out
Look again
From the mount

My prayers go out
Hope unheard
But the silent truth
Echoes in head


I'm feeling poetic, but not eloquent, so I pity you who reads this. I probably just confused you to death. I'm sorry. :( Haha.

That classic phrase "an invisible weight lifted off my shoulders" fits. Tomorrow, I'm starting again. I'm starting again at the finish line to run back to the beginning at which I started. But is the finish line and starting line the same line? If so, I'm at the beginning. The beginning of the end of the race.

I hate races.

Headlines Read Out

Well I'm back home. It's nice to be back, I guess, but Alabama was really nice. I missed Omi and Opi and the nice thing is that they actually get me and have loved me since I was five months old and they didn't look at me and judge me. I love them so much. Even, I was on my mom's computer to check a Tokio Hotel site, and Omi was watching over my shoulder and she goes "Which one's Bill?" and I point him out and she says "Oh, man, he is hot! That is one fiiine boy!". Haha, she's 60 years old. But it made me laugh. I've been kind of antsy all day and I don't know why. I paced for about three hours nonstop, then I spun around on my desk chair for half an hour, then I went back to pace, and I'm about to spaz because I've been sitting the whole time I've been reading this. Also, I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to see all the fucking bicthes at our school who think they're sooo much better than everyone else. I want to kick their asses to next week. And I don't want to go to English because apparently our teacher called Brenda, Kira, and I "emo" to the student teacher or whatever when I wasn't there. And I don't want to go to sex ed either. Or chorus because I have NO FRIENDS in that class. It is ALL popular people who glare at me throughout the class period. Or if I'm doodling: "Ooh, the Emo Girl can draw!". And I DON'T want to wake up early to go to school. And I also don't want to ignore Millie. Weird, right? No, I want to fucking kick her ass and tell her off for all the shit she does and all the crap she says. Tomorrow, I want to tell off EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has made me suffer throughout the past year and also want to tell everyone at our school to cut the shit when they talk to us or about us or how they look at us. But no, tomorrow I am going to wake up at 6am. Tomorrow I am going to English, and Chorus, and Sex Ed. Tomorrow I am going to ignore all the bitches. Tomorrow I am going to not kick everyone's ass who's pissed me off. Tomorrow I am going to be a good girl. Tomorrow I'm going to want to do everything I just listed that I wanted to do, and not want to do anything that I said I didn't want to do. Tomorrow, the cycle will start again.

Caught forever
I never can remember
Why I ever wanted
To be a part of it all

My life's been drained
My self away
And I'll just be
A good little girl

That's what they want
And I shall serve
Because my mind is gone
Never to return

Random, spur-of-the-moment poem. It's kinda symbolizing last year. Hooray!

Alright, I'll post tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood.

Dying Is The Day Worth Living For

Sorry I haven't posted in weeks; Firefox is being an idiot and crashes every few minutes or so. Hm, what can I say that has happened? I saw Twilight and it was awesome; much better than I expected. I love Jasper still. :) He's always been my favorite although the dude who played Carlisle was...um...wow. Just wow. It was a funny movie. And I got a fuzzy jacket. And the We The Kings CD I've been needing forever. I'm leaving tomorrow for Alabama because I'm spending Thanksgiving with some family friends there. sadly, that's a few hours north of Montgomery (I already begged to go there to see Sarah, but no...*mutters darkly to self*). And I'm all packed with four days of clothes, three novels, four movies, two stuffed animals (Yes, I have not outgrown them yet; I love them all), a textbook, and notebooks, and yet that isn't even half of my suitcase. And my suitcase isn't that big! And I found this totally hot picture of Tom. He's wearing eyeliner like Bill's! I was seriously going "OMFG" for about half an hour. It's my new phone background :) . So yeah. I'll post a little of my story, because I'm writing the second chapter. I went back to the beginning to add a whole day because I felt that the conflict was introduced too early. And the part I'm going to post wass inspired by Brenda's Spanish table: Brenda, Will (Brandon), Jeffrey (Geoff), and Nick (Ned). This is very close to what actually goes on.

My next class was Spanish (A.K.A. “The Twitchy Class”), which was the one class Bill wasn’t in with me. And it was also the one I needed him most in.

The tables are arranged in groups, and we always have to work in our groups. I have the worst table.

“Hi, Kia,” this really creepy guy said. He sounds like a stalker when he talks. I don’t know how, but you can totally see him being a pedophile. I twitched. My creepy stalker, Geoff.

“Kia, will you marry me?” this other guy said. He took my hand. I jerked it away from him. “I love you,” he then declared. My infatuated stalker, Brandon.

“He loves you,” the guy who sits across from me, Ned, whispered.

“I love you too, Kia,” the creepy stalker said.

“I love you more,” my infatuated stalker said.

“I hate your shirt,” Ned said distastefully. I ignored all of them.

“I love you so much,” Brandon said, stroking my hair softly. My hand, which was holding my pencil, tightened and the pencil snapped in half. “Oh, do you need a new pencil? I know you can’t resist me.” I twitched.

“You can’t resist his body,” Ned whispered again. I glared at him.

“Te amo, Kia,” Brandon sighed.

“Te odio,” I snapped. He tried to look hurt.

“I love you so much, you’re so hot.” I twitched.

“So hot,” Ned whispered. My hand shot in the air.

“Senorita, may I get some water?” I asked.

“Of course.” She nodded. I stumbled out of the room and to the water fountain. I hate Spanish. After taking a moment to let myself calm down, I got a drink then turned unwillingly back towards the direction of my classroom.

“Was the water cold?” Geoff asked. “Was it good? Did it run down your smooth throat like ice? Was it amazing? I could go get you water next time.” I calculated how big the window was compared to how big I was. Crap. I could never fit. “If you want, I could put ice in it. My hand is cold like ice. You wanna hold it? Do you like cold? I know I do. I wanna see you cold.”

Ned looked at me with a “W.T.F.” expression. I twitched in response.

“Are you cold? Here, I’ll come give you a hug.” Geoff started to get out of the chair.

“Don’t touch my baby!” Brandon put his arm around me.

“I don’t think she’s your baby,” Ned pointed out, finally getting slightly freaked out by their behavior.

“If you don’t let go of me in the next two seconds, you will die,” I hissed.

“She’s my honey bun,” Brandon said, moving to kiss me. I shoved him out of his chair. He didn’t stay on the floor long, getting back up a few seconds later.

“Alright, we’ll wait until we’re in private,” he said, as if agreeing with something I said. He put his arm around me again.

“I hope you’re not planning to reproduce.” I muttered darkly, trying to shrug off his arm.

“You and me, baby!”

“Sexual harassment!” I yelled. “He’s going to rape me! Help, help!”

“Kia,” the teacher warned.

“He’s touching me,” I wailed. Brandon quickly removed his arm. Everyone was staring at us by now.

It's not quite that dramatic, but Brenda always has these funny stories so I invented a new scenario. And Brenda helped with the reactions. And the Spanish.

So I'll try to post from my dad's computer but I doubt it because he doesn't know I have a blog and would probably not aprrove.

Ha! I don't have to go to school tomorrow or Wednesday! That means I get to miss FLE (basically Sex Ed.)!!! And English when we read this stupid play. It's not even good, it's this rediculous thing from a kid's magazine about the Cherokee language. So stupid.

Bye everyone!