The Prospect Of Dying Pushes You To Dream

I was thinking about last year when I was caught up in the the popular stuff, and how I was so oblivious to the world for a long, long time. Like, nothing existed outside of my personal universe that was basically friends, gossiping, clothes, and boys. And gradually (wow, it's been almost exactly a year since this time) I started to see everything differently. How suddenly the world wasn't all nice and pretty. I'm actually pretty annoyed I didn't see it before; my dad was in Iraq for six months when I was in fourth grade. And that should have shown me that it's way worse outside of my little personal bubble. And this might seem random, but I'm a lot less shy this year. It might have something to do that there's no one to impress, and I don't feel like I have to impress anyone. And big, big part of that is the fact that I'm afraid of dying right now. Before I've gotten the chance to live. And I'm always so caught up in my dreams that I know I have to make something of myself. Last year I awlways thought "yeah, I'll get around to it after I do (blablabla)". But really, there's no time to waste. We get one lifetime, just one. And if you think of people like MLK Jr., you see how much you chould accomplish. I think, in a way, my story is a metaphor for how I want to make a difference and not waste my life. How I want to be able to say that I changed something big. I don't want to regret my life right now, like I do the past two years. So I guess I've done my ranting in my usual random fashion. Sorry if no one quite gets what I'm saying; I'm having hard time keeping up with my thoughts.